First up, "The Storm" by Poet of Steel! This was the one that won the contest!
The Storm By Poet of Steel (Did you want your real name here, like you put down, or were you unaware it'd be posted with your story?
“But Mom! I can just put my rain coat on!” I reasoned. My mom has never liked reasoning. Ever. She gave The Look, and I stopped trying. Therefore, it was confirmed. It had been raining for almost a week straight, and I was tired of it. I was itching to go outside, but Mom wouldn’t let me. I’m not the indoors type of guy, I am more of the outside type of guy. I never liked the air of air conditioning, or the room-temperature rooms. I love real grass, the sun on my face, the blue skies, with their white, fluffy friends, waiting around to sprinkle more of the only thing that keeps us alive. Tress, plants… Ok, fine, I’ll stop rambling. “Jordon, what did I tell you? You’ll get sick, and everything is too wet. It just ain’t right.” She had a point, I don’t want to be sick, and slipping on everything would be annoying and dreadful. But I do remember what Grandma said to me before she left from our previous visit: “Life is not waiting for the storm to pass. Its about dancing in the rain.” I know it’s a metaphor and all, but if I waited, I’d crack! Everyday I go outside for fresh, non-regulated natural air. But I guess not today. “Cheer up, son!” Dad said. “According to the News, it’ll clear up within a day or two!” I stared at him. And I stared hard. I knew the News said that, but they said that THREE DAYS AGO. Now I’m waiting another day? “Why go outside anyway?” questioned Cecilia, my older sister. “You always have to watch out about snakes and spiders, you know, creepy stuff. And DISGUSTING bugs, not to mention those scary pigeons.” She then shook for a moment before continuing to perfect her makeup. One day, we went to Universal, and a pigeon landed on her head. I guess it ate from the Fantastic Four Café as well, because he thought her head was the bathroom. Yeah, she didn’t like it much. But I still liked them, along with the outside. Which I was begging to go straight through the front door. I watched the window for so long. 2:00 pm. 3:00 pm. 4:00 pm. I fell asleep and woke up at 5:24. I stretched and saw the sunshine. Time to wait for the storm- WAIT, WHAT? IT HAD STOPPED RAINING! YES! I jumped into my sandals and felt the sunshine on my face and smelled the past rain. IT STOPPED RAINING! I SAID THAT BEFORE BUT STILL! I danced around and went around the trees in the yard, feeling the flowers and the sounds of birds humming. Then I slipped. And fell. “Dang it.” I said.
Scarlett's Entry has been removed due to her request.
The Storm By Poet of Steel (Did you want your real name here, like you put down, or were you unaware it'd be posted with your story?
“But Mom! I can just put my rain coat on!” I reasoned. My mom has never liked reasoning. Ever. She gave The Look, and I stopped trying. Therefore, it was confirmed. It had been raining for almost a week straight, and I was tired of it. I was itching to go outside, but Mom wouldn’t let me. I’m not the indoors type of guy, I am more of the outside type of guy. I never liked the air of air conditioning, or the room-temperature rooms. I love real grass, the sun on my face, the blue skies, with their white, fluffy friends, waiting around to sprinkle more of the only thing that keeps us alive. Tress, plants… Ok, fine, I’ll stop rambling. “Jordon, what did I tell you? You’ll get sick, and everything is too wet. It just ain’t right.” She had a point, I don’t want to be sick, and slipping on everything would be annoying and dreadful. But I do remember what Grandma said to me before she left from our previous visit: “Life is not waiting for the storm to pass. Its about dancing in the rain.” I know it’s a metaphor and all, but if I waited, I’d crack! Everyday I go outside for fresh, non-regulated natural air. But I guess not today. “Cheer up, son!” Dad said. “According to the News, it’ll clear up within a day or two!” I stared at him. And I stared hard. I knew the News said that, but they said that THREE DAYS AGO. Now I’m waiting another day? “Why go outside anyway?” questioned Cecilia, my older sister. “You always have to watch out about snakes and spiders, you know, creepy stuff. And DISGUSTING bugs, not to mention those scary pigeons.” She then shook for a moment before continuing to perfect her makeup. One day, we went to Universal, and a pigeon landed on her head. I guess it ate from the Fantastic Four Café as well, because he thought her head was the bathroom. Yeah, she didn’t like it much. But I still liked them, along with the outside. Which I was begging to go straight through the front door. I watched the window for so long. 2:00 pm. 3:00 pm. 4:00 pm. I fell asleep and woke up at 5:24. I stretched and saw the sunshine. Time to wait for the storm- WAIT, WHAT? IT HAD STOPPED RAINING! YES! I jumped into my sandals and felt the sunshine on my face and smelled the past rain. IT STOPPED RAINING! I SAID THAT BEFORE BUT STILL! I danced around and went around the trees in the yard, feeling the flowers and the sounds of birds humming. Then I slipped. And fell. “Dang it.” I said.
Scarlett's Entry has been removed due to her request.
Congrats, guys! These were very awesome and interesting stories. I enjoyed reading them! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lucy. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, awesome stories guys!
ReplyDeleteThe second paragraph in "The Storm" is the summary of my life. Same for the last 3 or 4. XD
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I love that story. No surprise you won. :) The mental dialouge was natural and hilarious, adding depth to the character. I was grinning the entire time I was reading it. Tbh, I expected "The Storm" to be a moody peice rather than such a great comedy.
The punchline of "The Storm" was side-splittingly unexpectly awesome.
Poet of steel how do you make your character's though processes so natural? I really struggle with that. :p
Wow, Shaly, your descriptions are fabulous! i love how you really set the mood and i was fan-girling like crazy when you described the tombstones like a phalanx.
I find it facinateing on how Emma's father is pushed into disbelief by sadness. A very relateable thing to do.
I also love Emma's sassiness. I smirked like crazy at the point
this is my favorite paragraph :Sometimes I didn't understand why people spoke or acted the way they do. Then I will later find out it had to do with something of their past. The way they were raised. The way they were battered to this earth's ground. The way the--i think you mean "they"-- rose. The way they felt. The way they were protected. The way they were left to cripple in the dust.--this paragraph beautifly describes human nature, and pretty much all of my book characters.
i love the message in this poem. So gorgeous. :)
one typo, though--She was wonderful and I denied to see my mother be nothing but pale and could.-- i think you meant cold, right?
another typo, i guess XD--He mouth wide open as she stared endlessly from her dark shielded coffin.-- her, no he
Hmm. I don't know how Mark decided who won! These ae impressive!
Awh, thank you, Kyra. :) I'm happy you liked my story. Thanks for telling me about my typos. I was in a rush when I was submitting this, so I missed a lot grammatical errors. I'll have to go back and fix them. That's probably why I didn't get first place. -Smacks Forehead-
ReplyDeleteStill, I'm happy you liked it. I was trying to make this poetic in a prose sort of way. And I fan girl too, when authors allude to history, the Bible, and mythology. I get excited for no reason. XD
You're welcome! Don't worry, your story is still amazing regardless of a few mistakes.
DeleteFANGIRLS UNITE!
Comparing these I thought "Mother" would win, but mine actually came out on top! Thanks! Oh, and S. Thorston Scarlett, you did great! Thanks everyone!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I wouldn't mind my real name, but placing my pen name with it would be cool!